Cami’s story 💌

TW: mentions of domestic violence and childhood trauma, experiences of parenting with trauma

 

This month, Camilla, another of our top supporters, shares her story of a tough childhood, and her everyday journey of soaking in the little joys while gentle parenting her two young sons.

 

My childhood wasn’t easy

I grew up in a town called Monroe, Washington where I lived for over half my life.

My upbringing was less than kind. I was raised in a home where I witnessed domestic violence. At the age of seven I became the main target of the abuse when my mom courageously left the marriage. Once I got out myself, my early adulthood was merely dedicated to surviving and eventually striving to heal.

Weekly therapy sessions and leaning on my loved ones for support was essential. Along with that, I found solace in working with children, either in a school setting or at their homes while their parents were away to provide for their family.

Being another safe adult for those kids brought me genuine happiness and confirmed to me that taking care of children was what I wanted to do with my life.

 

I love being a mom, but I’ve also never been so exhausted

I was 25 when I became a mom for the first time. It was seven months before the pandemic hit, and I was the happiest I had ever been.

I was able to quit my job so I could stay home with our boy full time and I just felt like the luckiest mama in the world. Almost half a decade and another baby later, I still feel that way.

My oldest son is 4 now and my youngest is 11 months. They both hype each other up and are always on the move. I spend my days watching them grow, learn, and play and it’s a joy. Their smiles and belly laughs give me more serotonin than my brain knows what to do with.

And what an amazing honor it is to be one of the reasons that my kids are going to have happy memories to look back on one day. What could be better than that?

 

Gentle parenting with trauma is a full time job

What I wasn’t prepared for in motherhood was the intense triggers that would come along with it; especially as someone who was mistreated in childhood.

I had never heard anyone talk about it before. My son could break a new toy or spill a glass of water and suddenly I’m four again, ready to fight or flee or fawn. Other times, I catch a glimpse of him in my shoes and that is a nauseating sight to imagine. These moments are the worst but they’re a constant reminder of why I put in the effort that I do each day.

Before I was a mom, I would work 8-10 hours then pick up fast food on the way home for my husband and me. We’d plop on the couch and watch our favorite shows together before going to bed and getting a full night’s sleep.

Now I’m a first generation gentle parent who spends my days actively trying to prioritize my marriage, fill my kid’s cups, maintain my relationships, keep a (sort of, not really) tidy household, schedule appointments/outings, plan meals, budget, continue learning about child psychology and development, maybe brush my hair, all while being touched out and moderately lacking sleep because nights are my alone time.

 

For me, being productive is about feeling a sense of balance

Each day that I get out of bed and don’t immediately faceplant onto the floor is a productive one in my eyes.

Every task I get checked off my to-do list after that is just a bonus. We’re all about flexibility and small wins around here.

My best days are the ones where there’s a sense of balance. If I’ve accomplished one task for each Hat that I wear, I’m ecstatic and will ride that wave for a week. Other days all I want to do is take a mental health day or solely play with my children. If that’s where my head is at, doing this and nothing else is just as fulfilling.

Putting my phone down is another small thing that has had a huge impact on everyone’s moods and mindsets.

I’m definitely less present with my face shoved into a screen. I know that my oldest will begin to act out in order to grasp for my attention if I’ve been spaced out for too long. I don’t lock my phone away in a drawer, but I do heavily limit my screen time when we’re together. If I am taking a minute to scroll, I make sure to put my phone down whenever my kids want to engage with me so they know that they’re my priority.

 

But it wasn’t always this way

I was slowly being crushed by the invisible load of motherhood and had no idea how to get out from under it.

MAMMA-MIYA gave me the insights I needed to drastically change my approach and once I did, I saw instant improvement on my behavior and outlook on each day.

 

I’ve made it a top priority to treat myself once a day

This can look like enjoying my coffee before the kids wake up or painting my nails while they’re planted in front of the TV. If I’m feeling real adventurous, it’s me getting out of the house and taking myself on long, romantic walks down every aisle of Target. Or meeting my best friend for a four hour lunch.

In the time I save for myself I rarely do anything grand, but this me-time has been effective in preventing burnout, which in turn makes for a happy brain, happier family and a successful day overall.

Here’s Cami’s video, where she talks about her experience as a mom, and how MAMMA-MIYA improved her well-being and re-shaped the way she looks at each day.